21, but the world keeps on spinning.

I am officially 21.

I still don't know what am I suppose to do with my life.

I tried looking forward, to see my future, I squinted, yet everything is vague and fuzzy.

And then I get greeted by terrible news on my birthday itself.

Khai Jake's brother, Khai Ron, who is also Su Lynn's and Khai Ric's cousin, passed away in a car accident.

I'm not sure if I met him before, or maybe I did in a club but I was intoxicated so I couldn't remember (because I met Jake in a club when he was celebrating Khai Ron's graduation), but I can't help but lie on my bed, motionless, thinking that someone very close to my friends, that a family member of my friends just passed away.

He was so young, just graduated, about to embark on a new chapter of his life, and had so much to do, but life just didn't turn out the way it was supposed to be.

1st of August 2010 was a cold, wet and gloomy day in Melbourne.

The worst thing was, how am I going to celebrate my birthdays in years to come without thinking that, for all of Khai Ron's family and friends, this will be a sad day as they will be mourning the lost of their beloved family member / friend. I had this indescribable guilt within me the whole day.

And then I thought to myself, what if I passed away before my time has come? Before I manage to do anything significant in this world? Before I manage to put an impact into somebody's life?

Also, this might not sound serious, but it is really sad to see posts on a deceased person's Facebook wall. I have seen so many touching posts on a deceased wall before like:

"Hi, it's been a year since you left, I hope you are well! I really miss you!"

And that really breaks my heart. I am somewhat thankful that his profile is private, and I am not his FB friend, because I cannot bear to see all of these.

Life is too short and unpredictable, how many times has this been said? That is why I need everyone to know:

I Love You

To my friends, family, everyone I have ever met in my life, you have all affected my life in one way or another, and I might have been a sarcastic bitch/bastard to many of you, or I might have disappointed you, but I love you. Thank you all for being there for me throughout my life.

I am thankful and fortunate that up to now, I haven't lost any one really close to me.

I know I have mentioned this before in one of my previous post, but yeah..

So to end this really depressing post which has caused unexpected tears to roll down my cheeks:

Leong Khai Ron, I may never have known you in my life, but I hope you are now resting in peace wherever you are. Wish I had known you =(.

And to all his family, I am terribly sorry for your loss, deepest condolences.