And I was complaining that life's too hard...

Currently in a very dejected and depressed state of mind.

I was bored, and went around blog hopping. And I found out this guy Shobaan, an ex-WMS student, passed away on the 10th of September. Who knew reading blogs can make you this sad?

I never knew Shobaan. I've never seen him before in my life. But yet, I felt as if I knew him. This connection. Reading blogs after blogs regarding his death almost made me tear. He seemed like a super fun fellow, sarcastic and witty, good at insulting, a joker, sleeps in class, a first class slacker that everybody loves. There was so much for him to do in this world. He's only been around for two decades but now he lies in a coffin, his soul looking down at all of us from somewhere up there. Pretty sure we would've been good buddies if we met, so rest in peace, Shobaan.

This never occurred to me; I never thought of handling a death of someone you know, at least not someone of the same generation. I'd always thought we all will live to tell stories to our grandchildren. I never imagined what would happen if we die, right now, at the mere age of 20, because this is only the beginning of our lives!

And previously I was complaining about how I don't have the mood to go to university, how the assignments can take a toll on me. The hell is going on with me. I realised that we should all be thankful when the alarm clock wakes us up, instead of grumbling and thinking of the (maybe) unpleasant day ahead. Because we could have just died in our sleep.

Because by being alive we get to see others live their life.

Because being alive lets us see the colours and beauty of this world.

Because being alive allows us to know that the emotions we feel are valid.

Because being alive is, ultimately, God's gift to us.

Life is too unpredictable. Cliche, but true.

=(

That being said, I hope my aunt, who has been diagnosed with cancer, will survive through this hard time in life.

Stay positive.

If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

They never stop. Until, about an hour or two past midnight. The trams, that is. One of the many reasons I like staying in my current apartment; trams.

Trams are so different from other public transports, I reckon. You don't have to wait too long before another one arrives to pick you up and zoom you into the buzz of the city. Whereas taking a train gives me an implication that it'll be a long journey. And most taxis deteriorates your nose and olfactory system. Buses, I rarely see them, at least in Melbourne.

One can hop in and out of a tram whenever, no 20 minute rides before the next stop, no being tortured by the BO of the dude next to you for too long, etc.

Sitting in my apartment, I can clearly see the Melbourne Uni tram stop. Sometimes I get this strange bizarre feeling watching the many people rushing to and from work/university. I feel all psyched to go to uni and experience life with everyone else, knowing I'm not the only one going through this. Most of the time, though, I feel content sitting at home, looking at their miserable faces and I can't help but laugh at the shit they are going to face for the next 7 hours or so.

But then suddenly a thought struck me, why does it always seem like a bad thing, going to work/uni? Where did this mentality come from?

So I pondered more. The situation is so that most university students have actually no idea what they are studying, nor do they actually like the subjects they are doing. They are studying because mum and dad wants them to (at least to most Asians). They don't know how the subjects they learned will help them with their jobs. That's why most of them end up with jobs they don't like.

Then I thought about myself. I'm doing digital arts. I would much rather do this than engineering or commerce, but yet I get the "Shit I've got class tomorrow" feeling everytime. My parents were supportive in what I wanted to do, although they're both in business. Then where the fack did this feeling develop? Because I actually like my course! Ahh!

I feel like a lost soul wandering aimlessly looking for an answer.

Speaking of lost, I've been seeing signs along the roads of Melbourne saying "John come home; we forgive you; grandma is in heaven now; dad and mom forgive you" and the likes.

I'm guessing, John accidentally killed his grandmother and ran away. Ah, how sad.

Life sucks.

I've got an assignment due Thursday.

Throw it away, forget yesterday.

We'll make the great escape.

I wanna go out and see the world.

I wanna take pictures with my trusty D60 (It's been rotting).


I wanna lose myself amidst a big city in the states.


I wanna ride camels in the desert.


I wanna drink coffee/ hot chocolate in Europe.


I wanna build snowmans that last for a few days.


I wanna admire Venice in a gondola.


I wanna see the nightlife in Vegas.


I wanna watch the sunrise in Japan.


I wanna watch matadors bullfight in Spain.


I wanna see the Colosseum in Rome.


I wanna eat good food all around the world.


I wanna drink coconut by world famous beaches.


I wanna drive around in a convertible in Miami.


I wanna walk in the back-alleys of London.


I wanna see the aurora in Alaska.


But I hate travelling...

I hate being stuck in an aeroplane.

I dislike aeroplane food.

I hate going to the lavatories in planes.




Ultimately, I wanna be able to teleport!





I changed my header and picture on the bottom right!

Change

Everything's changing.

I miss the good ol' high school days. 5 years of the same thing, with more funny wtf random moments every passing year. Friendships blossom incredibly fast when you're in high school. Even if you are in a new class, everyone seems to be everyone's good friend within a fortnight.

Whatever happened to that feeling of familiarity, that warm and close feeling whenever you enter a class. The feeling where people acknowledge you and knows who you are and which group you belong to in a typical class (i.e. the cool group, nerd group, slack group etc).

Who could've guessed how many things can change within a year.

Last year, I can never hope to be in an empty apartment sitting by the computer looking out the window watching people hopping on and off the trams.

Now here I am, in an empty apartment sitting by the computer looking out the window watching people hopping on and off the trams.

And yet I wear the same clothes. The same brown hoodie I brought with me from home, that bears signs of being over-worn.

There's a saying that goes "For things to change, I must change first".

But is it wrong to say that I've not changed? Then why is it that everything else has changed?

Hmm.

It's weird how suddenly everyone you were, or at least you thought you were close to appear so distant to you. Now that's a change too, right? But I haven't been doing anything significant that is changing my lifestyle to any extent.

One year, is that all it takes? 365 days and you feel completely different from 365 days ago. Oh god now I don't even know what I'm talking about. I think I'm contradicting myself.